The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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