it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
