you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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