someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
