I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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