I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
