He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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