Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Farmville is her only friend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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