quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
