talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
