i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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