just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
