My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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