You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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