Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
