i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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