found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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