Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's blow job season.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
