Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
God, I missed his penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
