Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
