the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
