there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
