i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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