Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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