Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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