Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
