3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
