You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
