He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
