This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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