your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
