The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
