Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
