The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You took a bar mat shot.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
