Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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