How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
