so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
