You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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