I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
