Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
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Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
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We have so much sex to catch up on
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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