i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
