i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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