If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
