If i come over, it means nothing
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
