so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize