Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
