I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
