I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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