hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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