I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
