i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
