What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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