on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
