i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
did you just send me my own nude
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
