Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Couch. On fire.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
