he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize