Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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