remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
