Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
