Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
