I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
