i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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