Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
