I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
