P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize