Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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