Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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