When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize