If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
