He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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