I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
