the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
