At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
