Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize