Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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