There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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