you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
