i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
