I look better un-naked...
please come you make the beer taste better
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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